I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
