Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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