I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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