I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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