i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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