I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We need a shit load of segways right now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
