fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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