I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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