He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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