I want to make a zoo with you.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
