Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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