Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
