So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
