I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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