apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
