Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
