I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
