I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
