i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
