Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
