im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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