I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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