My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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