I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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