Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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