FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm always down for nudity.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
