The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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