Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
