This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
