I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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