Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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