i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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