he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This couple is walking their pig around campus
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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