he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize