the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
