If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
