I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
