I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
