I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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