Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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