I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
