I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
