Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
