I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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