remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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