cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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