Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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