Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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