His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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