I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
