We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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