Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize