State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
