If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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