Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize