I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
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No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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