Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
