Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
