I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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