oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
