im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
