Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I touched a dick in church today
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
