I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
